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Are You Attracted to the Person or the Quality?

Two people holding hands

In working with people who are struggling with relationships a theme kept coming to my you really like this person or are you just attracted to this particular quality? This is especially true for individuals who find themselves in failed relationship after failed relationship. In the beginning, they think that this person is going to be better than the last, but suddenly we find ourselves repeating the same mistakes that we told ourselves we would not do again. So what is wrong with us? Are we simply a flawed individual doomed to attracting the wrong people into our lives? Or is it something else?

The short answer is no. You aren't doomed, but what may be happening is that you are attracted to a quality in a person such as (humor, sex appeal, intelligence, work ethic, stability) and make that particular quality into the entirety of a person. By doing so, you may overlook that this person is also dishonest, emotionally unavailable, unfaithful, has difficulty keeping a job, jealous, controlling, etc.

So remember to always hold on to your non-negotiables. Take note that sure, they may be beautiful and smart, but is that more important than their integrity as a person? Let me know your thoughts below! -JAC

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